I can’t remember a moment in my childhood where in family circumstances, I didn’t feel as though I was the black sheep. Of course, it took me years to understand what this meant and identify the feeling but never the less, I knew.

It wasn’t until I left home, became an adult, and began to get a grasp on the world that I really knew what to do with the idea of being a black sheep. And today, the term and feeling is something that I actually enjoy and am able to put to better use than using it against my family.

Being a black sheep, for me, means in that my divorced family where my 5 siblings are more like my Mother than my Father, I am Dad. It was something that was said to me in an a more accusing tone than complimentary “you’re so Dad!” And now, 10 years after I moved out of my Mother’s house, I realize that there is power in the statement that I am able to use for the bettering of my relationship with those family members that are still so my Mother.

Getting to Know You

Few of us are same kind of adults as we were kids. Surely you didn’t hold on to your childish views of parenting, naming children, politics, and career aspirations. Perhaps a few of those things but not all. So, it’s no surprise that even though you did grow up with your family, they don’t exactly know you.

My sister, Morgan started to learn a lot about me on our drive home from Texas. And within the first 48 hours of living together, she learned even more.

But now that we’re settling into life together we have private conversations where we share what it was like growing up, our memories, and of course, the pain. And in each of these conversations, I can hear her words as though my Mom was saying them and she’s astonished by my memories, opinions, and views on life. But these conversations and seeing that I am on the opposite end by being the “black sheep,” we’re learning more about each other than if we had never had these conversations at all.

Sharing Opinions

Being the black sheep isn’t just about family politics. But in the “real world” dealing with clients, jobs, working structure, and even in my own parenting and cleaning, the opposite view point on each of these subjects enables me to share a different side in every situation.

Joanne functions, cleans, organizes, and raises Zadey in a different way than I do. And because we’re parenting together, seeing eye to eye is more important than ever and having multiple view points to the same situation enables us to really think about the action we should take in every situation.

This is a benefit for us because we’re able to break the mold and find alternative solutions and creative ways to handle each situation that arises.

Do It Yourself

At times, the emotion of a black sheep is usually that others don’t understand you. You feel misunderstood, wonder if you have misspoken, or created unnecessary friction between yourself and another person. Consequently, from these feelings you begin to just do things yourself.

The power within this scenario is that quite simply, you have no one to report to. You’re accountable only for your own actions and not the actions of team. The black sheep is creative to find new solutions, new work arounds, and grows comfortable with their sense of self.

The Downfalls

There are times when I wished I worked the same as a business partner. Maybe had the same thought process of Joanne so that we could get on the same page. But for each downfall of living the life of the black sheep, there’s a positive that enables me to create a powerful situation that becomes win-win.

Black or White

If the world was as simple as black sheep and white sheep, where do you fall?